Now that the country is respectively breathing a sigh of relief or throwing an fit because of the passage of universal health care, here is some bad news for the 33 million we are about to bring into the fold. Everybody gets a car doctor!
1. You have to injure yourself to get an appointment. After shelling out two grand on a mandatory insurance policy, your school informs you that it is an injury only plan. You bribe friends to beat you up to schedule a visit.
2. Upon witnessing an epileptic fit on the subway, you decide to pass out next to the victim in order to split ambulance costs.
3. Your Doctor maintains you are in perfect health.
This is despite the fact you are currently smoking and drinking 6 days a week and the last exercise you had was running to make the train to work.
4. You swipe your rich cousin’s insurance card so you can take advantage of his Cadillac plan.
You hope the doctor’s office can’t tell the difference between two minorities.
5. You break your ankle and require steel braces.
You find it cheaper to hire remaining family members as crutches.
6. You find out that its cheaper to buy a ticket to Brazil and see a dentist there.
While there you discover that snake blood is an effective hypertension reliever for furious Republicans.
7. Your insurance company informs you that unemployment is a pre-existing condition.
8. You think COBRA is a ruthless terrorist organization who fights G.I Joe.
COBRA is actually a useless health insurance policy for recently laid off average Joe.
9. You try to pass off your priest/rabbi/shaman as a ‘faith healer’ to comply with universal coverage.